Secret Investigation Reveals - SAGA has no real gays

In a shocking study released last week by the School Board, high ranking officers and faculty sponsors revealed what many already suspected - that there aren't really any gay people in the Straight and Gay alliance. The club, which was founded based on the cause of improving gay-straight relations, has found very few people to negotiate with.

Homecoming Parade 2003: Attendance Triples to 9

Organizing officials of the 2003 Homecoming Parade rejoiced on Friday night upon discovering the dramatic increase in attendance. "Look at all the people here! This must be like 300% more than last year!" one student remarked. The band, cheerleaders, and homecoming court all were happy to see the increase in the crowds. One of the homecoming nominees remarked, "after last year's dismal turnout of three, I just couldn't handle the turnout this year! I'm so popular!" Over the past three years, the parade has shown remarkable growth. Begining with a one person crowd in 2001, the parade attendance has since trippled to 3 in 2002, and then tripled again this year to 9. The planning commitee is enthusiastic about next year. The chairman commented, "Heck, with results like this, we might even break 20 in 2004!"