Trojan Times To Hold “Happy” Meetings

Disappointed by the low turnout of articles and general lack of journalistic caliber in recent issues, the Trojan Times editors have spent their monthly meetings deriding the staff for their laziness and apparent illiteracy. However, this approach has shown few positive results. Article submission rates remain at all-time lows, and articles that are submitted still show a lack of comprehension of basic journalistic concepts.
In light of these developments, the editors have decided to embark on a different method. On Wednesday, they declared that all future meetings would be “motivational.” Said the Technology Editor, “I just got tired of watching everyone get all depressed at meetings. It shouldn’t matter if most of the people on our staff can’t form complete sentences. It’s our responsibility as editors to get people psyched up about writing.”
Special activities at the new and improved meetings include “gold star awards,” to be given out to those students who write more than three sentences, and “cheer sessions,” where the editors lead the staff in the recitation of positive slogans like “third-person: good! First-person: bad!” and “Raise the bar!”
In addition to the positive reinforcement, the meetings will also include aggressive tutoring sessions, in which editors will instruct needy staff members about the basics of subjects, punctuation, and spelling. Advanced staff will learn about quotes, pictures, and the intricacies of the club credit system.
All editors expressed excitement about the new method. “It’s been so long since I was really excited about a Trojan Times meeting!” one editor exclaimed. “I can’t wait to see the delighted faces on my staff!”