Custodians Declare Plague-Spreading Plot Near Completion
In an announcement at a WESPA board meeting last Friday, WHS custodians declared "Operation No Soap" to be near completion. An elaborate plan to deprive certain strategic restrooms access to soap, Operation No Soap is designed to encourage the creation and spread of a contagious plague throughout the school. As one janitor explained, "Ever since the sanitation staff at North Penn got the day off because of a widespread flu virus, we knew this plan was worth a try." Since February, janitors have managed to remove soap from both the D and F hall bathrooms. Since these the only bathrooms within walking distance of the lower cafeteria, freshmen and sophomores, widely known for their unsanitary habits anyway, should develop some sort of contagious disease while eating over the next month.
Some outside observers have speculated that the cafeteria staff is involved in the evil plan. "The lunch ladies want a day off just as much as the janitors do," one expert commented. "And after looking at the cafeteria food, can there be any doubt that they are trying to induce a sickness of some sort?"