ETStapo Agents Seen By Many During AP Exams

The ETSapo, the infamous secret police of Educational Testing Services (ETS), were reported to be out in large numbers during last week's AP exams, according to eyewitness students and teachers. "They were everywhere!" one student recalled hysterically. "In the walls, in the ceiling, even in the bathroom. Everywhere!" Teachers who proctored the exams concurred. Said one, "Those men in the black suits and sun glasses in the back of the room sure didn't look like students to me." Experts blamed the recent increase in ETSapo sightings on the new, more stringent security restrictions that were put on tests this year. Students were forbidden from repeating multiple choice questions on the exam to anyone, at any time in the future. "Students who fail to follow these instructions," read the test, "will face serious consequences."
Those consequences are more serious than some students expected. Eight students were reported missing following the conclusion of the AP United States History Exam on Friday. ETS, when contacted about the mysterious disappearances, refused to either confirm or deny any role. "All we can say," said an ETS official, "is that those students are part of the 'final solution' to our security problems."