ESP added to required skills for AP History Exam
In a shocking announcement last Monday, Education Testing Services (ETS), producer of the famed Advanced Placement exams, said that questions involving mind-reading of test creators would be included in this year's AP American History test. Questions such as "Which of the following events has had the most impact on American events today?" and "What was the most important document listed among the following?" will test students' ability to derive knowledge based on the thoughts and actions of test creators they have never heard of or met.
AP US teachers nationwide generally expressed satisfaction with the change. Famed WHS teacher Ivana Golf said that training in extra-sensory preception now would help students when they need to make use of it in college. She commented, "I find it shocking that kids come into AP US thinking they can just work really hard to succeed. AP US is much more of an interpretive class. You have to be able to interpret material according to the thought processes of others, produce quality assignments based off obscure requirements, and, yes, read your teacher's mind."
Mrs. Golf was able to test her students ESP skills on a recent major project, an annotated bibliography. "I thought for hours and hours about how students should sort their bibliography into primary and secondary sources," she said. "Anyone with even the most rudimentary ability to read minds should have been able to understand." Unfortunately, the results were somewhat disappointing. None of the students sorted the bibliographies according to the mental specifications. Observed Mrs. Golf, "This is really bad. If this trend continues, I might just have to start giving instructions verbally."