Wissahickon National Guard Ready for Deployment
In a showy ceremony on Monday's inservice day, the 1st Batallion of the Wissahickon National Guard declared itself offically ready for duty. Composed of 90% of Wissahickon Faculty, the new Army unit, headed by Commander McKnight, is poised to become a formidable fighting unit. Said McKnight, "With all the emphasis General Durtan has been placing on security for our district, I figured it was time the High School did something about it." Under McKnight's leadership, the once weak and untrained faculty has been transformed into a group of elite reserve forces. "It was tough," commented Drill Sergant Madden. "Some of the new recruits were really out of shape, and the veterans, well, they're just past their prime in terms of physical ability." Despite these formidable obstacles, two weeks of harsh boot camp before school and a series of "refresher" inservice days seem to have done their job. At the ceremony, all 50 members of the batallion demonstrated their skills in rifle, artillery, and hand-to-hand combat.
Not everyone, however, is happy about the new military-training that the faculty are receiving. As one WHS sophomore reported, "I was making fun of my math teacher in the hallway when he walked by, and he suddenly turned around and pulled out a .50 Desert Eagle revolver on me! I'm pretty scared now." Said another student, "My english teacher talked for half the class yesterday about the poetic beauty of an RPG missle launcher!" Commander McKnight, responding to such comments, replied, "I know militarism has increased slightly in our school, but it's price we have to pay if Wissahickon is going to do it's part to defend freedom."