Linguist Declares Lunch Lady Speak to be Dialect of Ancient Orcish
Peter Barnes, a visiting linguist from the Temple School of Arts and Humanities released a report Friday on the strange speech habits of the WHS lunch ladies, concluding an exhaustive four-week study. "This project is by far the most difficult I have ever undertaken," Barnes said. "I though this was going to be a simple analysis of English, but I soon found it to be much more complex." Apparently, lunch lady speak is so radically different from the language of the rest of the school that it can not even be classified as English. The characteristic deep grunts, mumblings, and growls of the lunch staff actually bear a much closer resemblance to another, more ancient tongue: Orcish. Comments Barnes, "I originally was leaning towards some form of Russian, or perhaps Urdu, but in the end only Orcish could accommodate the unusual grammatical structure."
Other members of Barnes' team hypothesize that linguistics might not be the only place that Orcish culture has influenced. According to the nutritional analyst, "Some of the cafeteria entrees bear a surprising resemblance to basic Orc dishes, such as the Na'Caruk, a popular Orcish casserole consisting of mashed cow dung and elf-carcasses."