Hot Girl beats Gifted Kid by narrow margin in Election Poll
In the biweekly poll that ended this week, the question was asked, "If the class officer election where held today, for whom would you vote?" The Hot Girl beat out the Gifted Kid 53% to 42%. The Preppy Girl, Gothic Girl, and Sports Jock all received few or no votes. Politically aspirant hot girls everywhere where heartened by the decision, although they warned that hopeful male supporters would not be "getting any" in exchange for votes.

Trojan Times Sponsors Reject Ad for 'The Pelo'; References to Lesbians Cited
In a shocking example of censorship, faculty sponsors of the WHS school paper rejected an ad for The Pelo, calling its discussion of lesbian gropings inappropriate for the implied endorsement of the paper. As one Trojan Times editor put it, "The whole thing about lesbians fighting each other just didn't go over well. Making fun of the Trojan Times wasn't a good idea either."
The Editorial Board of the Pelo was disappointed by the decision, calling it not only an egregious example of censorship but also a move that was bad for student awareness of homosexual issues. "The article on lesbian fights and gropings was based off of a piece written in the Philadelphia Inquirer. If thousands of people in the Philadelphia Area can read about the subject, why is it inappropriate for WHS students? Besides, the increase in lesbian fights and gropings is a serious issue that needs to be confronted with open discussion and education. Students must learn what a lesbian fight or make-out scene looks like if they are going to have any chance of stopping one. Censoring this issue will not make it go away. Unless WHS wants a repeat of the Philadelphia problem here, education about lesbians must be encouraged, not suppressed."

Custodians Declare Plague-Spreading Plot Near Completion
In an announcement at a WESPA board meeting last Friday, WHS custodians declared "Operation No Soap" to be near completion. An elaborate plan to deprive certain strategic restrooms access to soap, Operation No Soap is designed to encourage the creation and spread of a contagious plague throughout the school. As one janitor explained, "Ever since the sanitation staff at North Penn got the day off because of a widespread flu virus, we knew this plan was worth a try." Since February, janitors have managed to remove soap from both the D and F hall bathrooms. Since these the only bathrooms within walking distance of the lower cafeteria, freshmen and sophomores, widely known for their unsanitary habits anyway, should develop some sort of contagious disease while eating over the next month.
Some outside observers have speculated that the cafeteria staff is involved in the evil plan. "The lunch ladies want a day off just as much as the janitors do," one expert commented. "And after looking at the cafeteria food, can there be any doubt that they are trying to induce a sickness of some sort?"

Rapid Growth Among White Students Threatens Asian Dominance of Blogging at WHS
New data released by Xanga.com on Monday revealed that Asian students may be in danger of losing their virtual monopoly on web log usage at WHS in the face of new interest among white kids. While Asians still register 90% of the blogs in the Wissahickon Blog Ring, Caucasians now hold a shocking 8%. AP Statistics students assigned to monitor the trend elaborated. "A large portion of WHS Asian culture is centered around blog posting and reading. Some blogs even offer Asian language support. In a world that is often dominated by Japanese Anime, Dance Dance Revolution, and 'Asian Pride' literature, it is remarkable that white students could make such a strong entrance."
However, Asian students were quick to denounce the new data as insignificant. A statement released on the Asian Studies Club Xanga declared, "Blogging is intrinsically an Asian domain. Asians hold and will continue to hold the vast majority of blogs. White students attempting to make leeway into this area are nothing more than 'Asian wannabees.'" Within hours of its posting, the statement reportedly received over 500 'e-props' in support.

Senator Proposes Pledge of Allegiance Change to Match Forward-Thinking WHS Secretary
Pennslvania Senator Arland Specter proposed a bill last Thursday to amend the pledge of allegiance, switching the order of the words "liberty and justice" to "justice and liberty" to match the version of superannuated WHS secretary Timetore Tire. Famed for sporadic switching of the final three words of the pledge during the morning annoucements, Timetore has quickly become a national icon in the Federal Government. Said Specter, "Have we really abandoned our eldest generation so much that they must receite a different pledge of alleigance? This is a disgrace, and it's time we took steps to correct it." Other senators quickly added their support to the bill. "Mrs. Tire's unique version of the pledge of allegiance is an inspiration to us all," said one sponsor. ACLU activists also praised Timetore. In a statement released on friday, they said: "Mrs. Tire has a proud record of standing up for Americans' God-Given right to disent. She has defiantly refused to say the pledge over the intercom on multiple occasions. Activist students know they have a role model in her."

Health Students: Breast Exam Woman is 'not hot'
Eleventh grade health students expressed shock and disappointment Wednesday after viewing the "Breast Self Exam" video in health class. "I thought it was going to be nude teenage girl demonstating," said one boy. "But then I found out it was a fifty year old woman. Gross!"

Editor's Note: The Pelo has discontinued use of the coollist.com service for it's mailing list and is now switching over to the vastly superior bravenet mailing list, as seen on the right side of the screen. No account creation is need this time - just type in your name and email, then reply to the confirmation email that is sent.
Subscribers to the previous service should be receiving emails shortly about transfering to the new service.

Also, make sure to read the April Fools issue of the "Trojan Times" - it should have some articles written by the editor of The Pelo.